Thursday, July 20, 2006

The wheels on the bus . . .

go round and round . . .

I know that everyone has a running commentary of thoughts that go through their head all day, but does anyone else have "conversations?" Not the kind where you supply all the character's parts and talk back and forth, but more like the thoughts play out as if you are explaining something to someone else. Maybe I'm a weirdo, or maybe that's how everyone thinks. I don't know. I've never asked anyone.

All I know is that lately, when I've got a little thinking time while stirring soap or doing mindless tasks, my thoughts have turned into blog entries. Instead of just turning things over or random things flitting by, my brain is forming explanations, stories, paragraphs -- actual blog entries. It's weird. Or maybe just different than before. I remember when I was much younger, like teen years, I was having a thinking phase that was similar to this. Everything I was sorting out in my head seemed to sound like a conversation I was having with someone else. An imagined boyfriend or best pal who wasn't there. At the time it seemed imperative to "practice" my opinions and feelings in my head so that when the time came to articulate my "self," I would be ready.

It doesn't feel like that right now. I'm not practicing anything. I don't even know where the train of thought is coming from or going, but the words and thoughts are flowing through my head in complete phrases and paragraphs that are fully formed as if in blog entry form that must be immediately pounded out on the keyboard for the next posting. Completely random sharing over . . .

What I intended to write about today was reinventing the wheel. It feels a little bit like I'm constantly reinventing the wheel here at my little business. Actually, I haven't reinvented much, or changed much, in a very long time. It's been mostly little tweaking, or shades of the same thing, but basically doing the same thing over and over. Just copying, cutting, pasting, and doing what worked in the past.

And for the last year or so, I've been drawn to actually changing the way I think and do business. The blog has been great for that. Because I can think out loud, and once it's typed out, it kind of sticks. Before, I was just mulling things over and over, back and forth, not making any real headway, just mud-wrestling around in indecision. It feels like there has been a turning point. And the transition is actually happening. I want to re-invent the actual mission statement and premise of what I'm doing. Not turn it upside down, but move forward a chunk and do things slightly differently, and better, and with more forethought, planning and intention -- rather than seat-of-the-pants and last minute because it's deadline and I wasted so much time I actually have to do something this very minute or it won't happen. The latter was my modus operandi all too often. And you know what? You're not always thrilled and satisfied with the outcome when you just wing it, or make do.

Is this going anywhere? It's all so random, eh. Well, suffice to say, I have come to some important conclusions as to where I want to make some changes. To the regular Joe, it may not be that noticeable. But to me, it's monumental. And it's going to take some steps to get there. I can't do it all this week or this month, requiring planning and small action steps, and carefully working out the details before I just announce it in a newsletter, having just made it the day before (er, not that I actually did that, or will admit to it.)

No worries, no major upheavals, just diligently making things better around here, a little at a time, with focus and attention on all the little things.