Monday, October 23, 2006

Scaring myself

I got out of the house for a bit yesterday. Abandoned all my work projects and enjoyed the sunshine for a a couple of hours. Such a perfect, beautiful fall day. And I began to wonder why I was even thinking I should be working anyway. I guess it's just habit. I'm so used to auto-pilot thinking that I need to fill whatever time I have with getting ready for the next thing, I forget that I can just do nothing, or do something for myself once in a while. What a revelation.

I was sort of thinking back to what it was like before I started working for myself, and realized that almost all the "real" jobs I've had required more work than the usual 8 hour day too. And quite a bit of the time, I was working TWO jobs. Maybe I just don't know any better. Or maybe I really like working more than anything else. I don't know. I haven't ever realized this before now. Duh. I'll have to think it through a bit more. Was I doing it at first because I had to, and it became a habit that just stuck? Or am I always working because that's just my nature and what I get the most satisfaction from? Or is it deeper than that, and I work all hours to fill up a void, or avoid something else? Eeep, scary.

But today being Monday, it's back to being productive. If anyone had telephone trouble trying to reach me the last few days, I finally have my phone line back. It was a broken wire on one of the lines, and I still had the bedroom phone but I'm pretty sure I missed a few calls during all the hubbub.